When I am feeling at my lowest, times I refer to as 'the pit' (see earlier blog post) and the pain almost becomes too much to bear, these are the times I am at my most creative and I have a flurry of ideas and outpourings.  Activity from me tends to be very much in bursts lol

Although my poetry appears depressing, it does serve a purpose, it acts as a form of cathartic release and I often feel more at peace if not less in pain after writing something.

This poem was written on a particularly bad night when I was feeling a bit resentful I couldn't do any of the things I used to be able to do.

Gathering Dust

The bike in the shed covered in rust

The badminton set gathering dust

Hiking boots for show only

Bowling ball looking lonely

These are the losses no one can see

Things that used to be important to me

Walking for miles, browsing in shops

Fashion shopping, trying on tops

The bowling alley, laughing out loud

Dancing in nightclubs, part of the crowd

Now all gone, nothing to see

Just these four walls, my carer and me

An occasional outing to get some air

But the pain that follows is difficult to bear

We may as well be rotting in that shed

The forgotten ones trapped in bed

Things we can't do, full of regret

Gathering the dust of medical neglect

Now life like me, is like that a lot of the time but.... the things I have achieved since I became ill I don't think I would have achieved had I not had to reach deep down into myself and really pull on those resources I had there but wasn't using.  I would have drifted through life with my, ok successful career as a teacher, but nothing remarkable.  Instead, since I have been ill I have won awards for my business (now owned by Sharon Farley Mason) GlamSticks, I have attended fashion shows as one of the designers, I have been in over 40 magazines, newspapers and radio stations (combined), have had glowing endorsements from celebrities and hundreds of emails from people thanking me for making a difference to their lives, I have published a book, rescued 11 animals, raised a lot of money for charity, trained groups for going into schools to speak about animal welfare, done talks for disability groups, written articles and poetry and I know I would have made my mum proud if she had lived long enough.

Although my mum was always proud of me, I had never done anything remarkable with my life until I became ill.  So although my poetry shows a darker side to illness, it is merely a way, a means of channelling out the negativity to make room for the creativity and positivity that normally shapes my life xx

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