You may have read my l-o-n-g rant against the Trafalgar studios theatre in London's Whitehall (it used to be known as the Whitehall Theatre) elsewhere here on bespoken. As regular theatre-goers, my wife and I are often left fuming at the "provision" that theatres think they can get away with for disabled (especially wheelchair using) paying patrons.

Wheelchair spaces are normally placed at the end of normal rows with extremely restricted sight lines. Access in and out of auditoriums is often of questionable quality and nobody ever thinks of telling wheelchair users what they should do in case of fire or other emergency ... fires DO happen - the Tyne Opera House (see below) burned to the ground a few years ago! they MUST have an evacuation plan for disabled patrons (otherwise they's never get a fire certificate) but they prefer to keep the plans to themselves ... d'uh!

So ... around the Nort East of England we have:

* Theatre Royal, Newcastle upon Tyne

Wheelchair seating is via placement of the wheelchair at the end of a normal row. Anything other than row G (which is lightly shorter) and the sight-line blocks off about 1/3 of the stage. Also, the slope of the floor is such that the theatre provides "min-ramps" on to which you must place the front castors of your chair if you aren't to spend the entire evening falling out of your seat!

* Tyne Theatre (formerly Tyne Opera House) Westgate Rd, Newcastle

Not only is wheelchair seating at the side of the theatre (end of the normal rows) but the only access to the bar if you fancy even a coffee before the show is through the auditorium ... which is usually locked and closed to the audience before the show begins (as staff do sound checks etc). The staff at the theatre are very helpful but be prepared that once in you will either have a very poor view of the stage AND may be sat at the very end of one of the first few rows to boot ... not a good place to be if it's an "edgy" comedy show you've come to watch - unless you are a natural EXTROVERT (shouty capitals for obvious reasons ;>) ) My wife assures me that the usual seats in the theatre are also the most uncomfortable in the North East and that I should be grateful that I bring my own. I have offered to let her sit on my knee but (in public, at least) she has declined.

* Sunderland Empire

Boasting "the biggest stage outside London's West End" since its refurbishment a couple of years back, it's a shame the refit did nothing about the HUGE semi-circular stepped balconies that sweep majestically down to the very front of the stage - blocking about a fifth of the stage view even if you viewed it straight on. When the theatre was first built they probably gave the best views in the house to those landed gentry whose pasttimes involved leering at nubile actresses but their main function these days is to block the vision of at least HALF of the stage for anybody sitting in the outer seats of the front third of the stalls. And where do they seat wheelchair users? OUTSIDE the outer-most seats of the standard rows. AND when it's a popular show (I was unfortunate enough to be taken to see Cats there last week) wheelchair users are "stacked" row behind row ... each one at the end of the "normal" rows .. having to look over each other's heads to see anything at all. I could go on but my advice to anyone in a wheelchair considering a night out at the Sunderland Empire is simply this .... DON'T! Take your money, your business and your pleasure elsewhere.

* ATG Theatres disabled booking facilities

This company, that owns many theatres across the UK including (in the North East) the Tyne Theatre, Sunderland Empire, Newcastle Arena etc. should have itself taken outside and give itself a good taking to (my polite way of suggesting that somebody in "authority" looks harshly at its licence to operate theatres at all). Not only is it the operator of the two worst theatres I've just mentioned, it makes it impossible to buy/book a wheelchair space for ANY of its shows other than through its "dedicated disabled access booking line". This seems to be operated by one person - who is absent most of the time. Even turning up at the booking office and trying to book gets the stock response ""you need to phone our dedicated phone line ..." Aaarrrggggghhhhh!